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How to Build a Lasting Relationship
Once upon a time and happily ever after only happen in fairy tales that have
no basis in the reality of relationships between men and women. Being whisked
away into the sunset by a prince on a white steed only to live happily forever
and ever isn't going to happen. And you guys should really turn the proverbial
white steed out to pasture, too, it isn't going to happen for you either.
All relationships between men and women begin with physical attraction on
some level. Even when a man and woman meet online through an online dating
service they see pictures of each other. So it is really fair to say that
physical attraction comes first. Lust always precedes love. Both 'lust' and
'love' are four letter words and the one isn't going to happen without the
Lust (physical desire) is a fickled thing. It can attach itself to one person
and then another. It doesn't stick around when the going gets tough. Lust
is a very basic animal instinct that humans were endowed with for the sole
purpose of procreation. Lust is only physical and has no connection to the
heart or the soul. Still, it is first and it needs no nurturing.
Love, on the other hand, is born weak and small. It must be tenderly and
constantly cared for to survive. If it is ignored and shoved into a dark
corner it will surely wither and die.
Building a long lasting relationship isn't something that just accidentally
happens. Long lasting relationships don't happen by magic either. Long lasting
relationships might begin with lust but they are built on a foundation of
love that is constantly being reinforced.
Everybody loves the good times. It takes no strength to withstand the good
times. Even lust thrives in good times. Strength in relationships isn't built
during good times, strength of relationships is built during bad times, hard
times and times when it would be easier to quit than to keep going.
Sadness, loss, illness, financially stringent times are all necessary aerobic
long lasting relationship building exercises. It is very easy to share joy,
laugh at the same jokes or enjoy the same movies and music and those things
are important. It is also important to be able to feel one another's pain
and to stay when going would be easier.
Each and every time a storm is weathered and a relationship remains intact,
it becomes stronger. It builds muscles! There is no 'I' in 'we' or 'us'.
Nothing bad ever happens to only one person who is part of a long lasting
relationship. Whatever happens to one also happens to the other and that
is the way that both of them see any and every situation.
In long lasting relationships that I've been privileged to witness, each
partner views themselves as a part of a whole and they see their partner
as the real better half of the whole. Selfishness is nonexistent and deeply
caring about one another is a constant through both the good times and the