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Break Up Survival Guide
It happens. Sometimes you can see it coming from a mile away and sometimes
you get blindsided. I'm talking about breakups. It could be that you have
seen the chasm widening between you and your significant other (or mate)
for awhile. The drifting slowly apart, the ever widening distance between
you might have been very apparent. Those breakups are easier to manage than
the ones that just happen out of the blue. You thought everything was fine
between you. You were happy and you believed that your partner was happy
as well. Then one fine day out of nowhere, he or she says, "I need my space"
or some such phrase. He or she packs their things and are suddenly a part
of your history rather than your present. You don't know what happened.
No matter which way a breakup happens, it is painful. It is even painful
for the departing party but that isn't going to be your problem. The first
and most important thing that you need to do is to take time to acknowledge
the loss you feel and grieve over it. Rushing right out to find a replacement
isn't a healthy thing to do. Pretending it doesn't matter isn't healthy either.
Grief is essential. Grief is the first step of healing.
If it is possible, you need to take a good two days and feel really sorry
about the break up and for yourself. Through yourself a major pity party.
Cry! Scream if it makes you feel better. Don't bother with any hygiene and
get by on coffee and peanut butter sandwiches. But put a time limit on grief.
This is important. You do need to grieve but you are going to have to get
on with your life, as well.
After two full days of grieving, it is time for the next step in survival.
Go take a shower...a nice, long, hot shower and wash your hair. Now stand
in front of a mirror and take a good long look at yourself. See, you are
still there. Grief is heavy and you might look a little bent under the weight
so straighten your shoulders and lift your chin. Make an appointment to get
your hair cut and styled.
The grief isn't over, but it is becoming more manageable every day. You must
resist the urge to call him or her. Calls will only prolong the pain. A call
will open the wounds that are only beginning to heal so don't do it. Rather
than call him or her join a club, sign up for a class, do something that
will make you feel hopeful about the future....your future.
Go with your coworkers after work for a drink and enjoy their company. You
didn't do that when he or she was waiting for you but now you can and you
Resist the urge to let your friends arrange blind dates for you. It is true
that you are lonely but you must complete the grieving process before you
can enter into another relationship. It's going to take time.
Fill up your world with the things that you love. Do things that you love.
Volunteer your time to those who are less fortunate. Get up, get moving,
and get busy. One day you will wake up and find out that you are happy again.
You will feel fulfilled and satisfied with you and then you will be free
to find love again.