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Avoiding Toxic Relationships
You've no doubt heart about 'toxic spills.' A toxic spill means that something
has been done to the environment that will kill the plant and animal life
that lives there. The life will have been poisoned, so to speak. It will
cease to exist. The life will have been overtaken by an outside agent. That
is much like what happens when we find ourselves in toxic relationships.
However, unlike plant and animal life that has been exposed to toxicity,
we have the power to overcome and survive.
The world is full of dominating and manipulative people. You probably know
some of these people. They are the ones who always insist on having their
own way. They may do it in a charming and friendly way, but they are the
ones who always get their way in the end. Unfortunately there are also people
in the world who are short on self-confidence and have low self esteem.
Dominating and manipulative people seek out those who have less self confidence
because they are much easier to dominate and manipulate than others.
It's too bad but these dominating and manipulative individuals do not wear
signs identifying themselves as such. Usually they are very likable. They
have honed their skills so that they don't appear necessarily threatening
in any way. Sometimes you can be sucked into a relationship with them before
you realize what has happened.
Their 'take charge' attitude might even be flattering in the beginning. You
will be like a fish on the end of a line that is being slowly played and
reeled in. In the beginning the 'orders' and domination may be framed as
a question (one that you will say 'yes' to). "You look nice, but would you
mind changing into the green dress?" Later the order will not be a question.
"Wear the black dress."
Manipulators start slow and work up to full control. They wear your resistance
down while you aren't looking. "Please call me at noon, honey?" turns into
"Call me at noon." And that turns into "You are three minutes late calling.
Where have you been? I will not stand for this!"
Domineering manipulators turn abusive. If you find yourself in a situation
where you are not an equal in a relationship, then you are in a toxic
relationship. If you find that you are being pulled and pushed into doing
things that you are not comfortable with, you are in a toxic relationship.
Manipulators cannot be reasoned with. They are not going to be talked into
mending their domineering ways. The only way to change the situation is to
get OUT of the situation...and the sooner, the better.
Here is the test.
1. Does the person that you are in a relationship with want to make all of
2. Do you find yourself saying, "You're right" more often than you should
3. Does the relationship make you feel stronger or weaker?
If your answers to the above questions are:
It is very likely that you are in a toxic relationship. The longer the
relationship has been going on, the harder it is to end. If you need professional
help with self confidence and self esteem issues then seek that help. Just
don't continue to be dominated and manipulated.