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Avoiding Potentially Abusive
There are many ways that people can abuse one another. There is, of course,
the obvious physical abuse but it isn't the only variety of abuse out there.
There is mental and emotional abuse as well. While it is most often men who
engage in physical abuse (not ALWAYS but usually), both men and women are
adept at dishing out mental and emotional abuse especially to those with
whom they have close relationships....husbands, wives, children, elderly
parents and even their pets.
The people who have dominate and manipulative personalities often become
physical, mental and emotional abusers. The physical, mental and emotional
abuses are tools that these manipulators use to ensure compliance with the
'decisions' that they have made.
There are small signs that both men and women can pick up on when dating
that will be pretty good indicators of whether their dating partner is a
potential abuser. Pay attention and if you see any of these indicators, the
best idea is to RUN.
1. An arrogant and superior attitude: They will speak 'down' to wait staff.
They will be rude to cab drivers or door men.
2. Difficulty in controlling emotions: You will quickly witness them struggling
to regain control of a situation. You will see clenched fists that only very
3. They are bigots: They will use or refer to racial epithets. They indicate
that people of certain races are inferior to their own race.
4. They are disrespectful of the opposite sex: Men will tell and enjoy 'dumb'
women jokes and women will tell and enjoy 'dumb' men jokes.
In the beginning of any relationship between a man and a woman each will
be putting their 'best foot forward', so to speak. However, once a relationship
has been established somewhat, the 'real' person will reveal themselves in
a number of ways. When you are in a relationship, you need to become aware
of these tell tale signs.
The facts are hard and cold. If he has hit you once, no matter how profuse
his apology and no matter how loud and long he swears that it will never
happen again, it WILL happen again. If he or she berates you so that you
feel dumb and inadequate, they will continue to do it again and again.
Abusers can learn to control themselves but not without professional help.
Have you ever heard the old saying, 'a leopard doesn't change his spots'?
Even after a lot of counseling, an abuser will continue to have abusive
tendencies but they can learn to control those tendencies. What they cannot
do is simply decide not to be abusive. They will always be abusive but they
can learn not to act on their abusive tendencies.
Nobody should ever stay in an abusive relationship. If abuse has happened
once, it will happen again. Over time the abuse will only become more hurtful
physically, mentally or emotionally. Somebody will get seriously hurt and
it very rarely the abuser.
Nobody can abuse you unless you allow that to happen. It really is up to
you to keep your eyes wide open and when you see the possibility of abuse,
you need to remove yourself from that potential.